IVF Round 1

With heavy hearts we wanted to let you know that our 1st round of IVF was unsuccessful.

We also wanted to let you know that we are beyond blown away by all of your support through this whole process...we are so humbled & thankful. We have so much hope for our 2 beautiful embryos that are now frozen & waiting. Really only about 30% of women concieve during their 1st round so we go into this 2nd round with even more hope & faith.

We are starting the process immediately, that starts with some meds & then we will go back to daily progesterone injections.

On January 7th we will meet with my Doctor to discuss our previous round & how we are going to adjust the 2nd round for best results. My Doctor is really encouraging with what she really believes will work!

They plan on my egg transfer being between the 3rd & 4th week of January.

We ask you to continue on this journey with us because there is never giving up...only going forward!

Please continue to share our story...because truly you're apart of our story & we can't wait to tell our kiddos about their journey to get here!

http://www.gofundme.com/iugwc4

We love you all so much & will keep you posted as we go along!

Walking with hope, Rob & Abby xx

Next Steps

This weekend we found out that our last IUI treatment resulted in a Negative Pregnancy Test.

The last couple of days were filled with a lot of tears, prayers & discussions about what is next !?!

As of now we have decided to proceed with another IUI treatment...we feel as of today...it likely will be our last IUI. At the same time when we go in to start the process we are going to meet with the IVF Financial Advisor. Our plan with that is to gain more information on the IVF process and the finances of it all. We are also going to start educating ourselves on domestic Adoption. We've decided that no matter what happens with this next treatment we need to diligently prepare for what could be our next steps.

If I'm being really honest all of the above options really scare me...intimidates me...but at the same time we have seen and experienced miracles and know that God is a God who will continue to do miracles, we just have to trust in His path for us. 

A couple of weeks ago at Kidzlife they played a clip from Prince of Egypt and it has stuck with me since. It was the scene where Moses and the other Hebrews had made it to the Red Sea and the Egyptians were gaining on them. But then God parted the sea and the Hebrews started their journey across to the other side...free from Pharaoh's reign...on their way to God's promise for them. But that isn't even the part that blew my mind. Growing up all the flannel graph pictures and children's Bibles you see them walking on a flat & straight path through the sea. In this movie it shows the jagged ground, the small cliffs they had to jump off of, strong winds that made it hard to even walk...you could even see whales as they walked by. As I reflected on this scene I kept hearing God say "My son & daughter I am with you" ...even though this road isn't smooth or how we thought God would answer...it doesn't mean that you aren't on the right path...sometimes it means you are on The path! That connection, sure I've made it before but God chose the perfect time to bring it back to surface for us. 

So here we go and thank you so much for your many prayers, words of encouragement and I simply can't wait to tell our futures babies about the amazing community...really family that we are apart of. We love you guys!

                                       

Walking with Hope, Abby xx

Due Date

Today is Tuesday September 9th...a day I have waited for since December 30th. It doesn't hold the same meaning as it did back in December but it is a day I won't ever forget!

Today is Melody's due date.

Oh how I miss her sweet face...her button nose & full lips. Her tiny little fingers and toes and how I hoped to be holding her in my arms today!

When I feel like I've lost so much I have to stop myself and remember everything I've gained...and even though today I feel like my eyes won't stop watering...I am so thankful!

I am so thankful for our Families, Friends, Community and even Strangers who have  loved us so during this time...you have been a reflection of Christ's Love for us!!!

Thank you for all the encouragement & prayers as we continue to grow our family...we love y'all so much!

Melody Hope Catherine you're your name...today as we think of you I know you are being a sweet song, full of hope to our Abba in heaven...I can't wait to hear your Melody!

Until we meet again...know that Mummy & Daddy are singing right along with you in Hope and give your strong big brother, Caden a kiss from us!

" May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13

Walking with Hope, Abby xx

While I'm waiting

Today I went in for my pregnancy test after my last IUI treatment. A few hours later I found out the test was Negative.

God always answers His people.

Many times He answers with Yes, No or Wait.

One of the most important things I have learned during this process is that what I do while I am waiting is just as important as what I do when I get my answer! 

The picture included is of the watch I gave Rob on our wedding day. I spent a lot of time thinking of what I was going to have engraved on it. He got it fixed this week and the 1st thing I did was open it to read the inscription..."In God's timing"

As I read that the tears started to flow..while we wait we are waiting for God's timing. What do I know about God's timing? That it is PERFECT! 

Thank you Abba for that sweet reminder...especially on a day like today!!!

So we will continue to walk in hope as we prepare for another treatment and wait...I pray that we can live out the below song even on our hardest of days. We are so thankful for all of your prayers, encouragement and love. Lord you are good and Your love endures forever!

While I'm Waiting

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait

Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident

I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You

While I'm waiting I will worship

While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

Walking with HOPE, Abby xx

 

4 Months

Today is 4 months...4 months since we held our Melody! Driving home from a date night, I could feel the quietness all around me...Rob could see it in my face and pulled me close as we continued the drive home and I just cried. Robby turned up the praise music and began to worship...I started to sing the lyrics in my head....

"Your Grace Is Enough"

Great is Your faithfulness oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God
You use the weak to lead the strong
You lead us in the song of Your salvation
And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me [x2]

So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise
Oh God

Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough
Heaven reaching down to us
Your grace is enough for me
God I see your grace is enough
I'm covered in your love
Your grace is enough for me
For me

Today as I head into my infertility clinic...I go in praising through the tears...Thank you Lord for remembering Robby, Caden, Melody & I ! You have never left or forsaken us and we will proclaim YOUR GRACE IS ENOUGH!!! 

 

Walking with Hope, Abby xx

SIS...what is that?

So if you remember from a previous blog I had a procedure called an HSG a month or so ago. There were 2 abnormalities discovered with that. Now that we know we aren't pregnant they want to further investigate those before trying again.  They found a dip on 1 side of my uterus where it should be smooth & on the other side they found a spot? So they've put me on birth control & today I will have a new procedure, to me called an S.I.S. 

1. What is Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS)?
Saline Infusion Sonohysterography (SIS) or Saline Ultrasound Uterine Scan is a test where a small volume of saline (salt solution) is inserted into the uterus (or womb). This allows the lining of the uterus (endometrium) to be clearly seen on an ultrasound scan. It is also known as a Saline Ultrasound Uterine scan.

With this they hope to get some sharper & higher quality images to get more understanding. Depending on what they discover, surgery may be a factor, certainly praying that isn't the case. I know it is better to check everything out before we try again...but this doesn't mean it doesn't feel like just another hurdle or trial, doesn't mean I didn't sob last night imagining all the possibilities and just wanting to have our Caden & Melody back...thankful that Robby made me stop and listen to truth and prayed over me! So please join us in prayer today, my appointment is about 1pm...I'm really thankful for your kind words of encouragement & hope over the last few months and really last 5+ years! Thankful we serve a God who has gone before us and can handle all of our emotions and I know is walking beside us...I hope you feel that too! 

Walking with hope, Abby xx

Reality is...

Reality is this round of treatments didn't work

Reality is our hearts really ache

Reality is the tears feel heavy

Reality is sometimes life feels on hold

Reality is we miss our Caden & Melody

Reality is we've been down this road before

Reality is I'll take those meds all over again

Reality is I'll do as many treatments allowed

Reality is this battle is worth fighting

Reality is God is bigger than all the above

Reality is God is still working

Reality is God always fulfills His promises 

Reality is God's plan is perfect

Reality is God has already gone before us

Reality is God has provided us with an amazing community

Reality is we will continue to Walk with Hope

Walking with hope, Abby xx

Happy fathers day

This Father's Day, I want to honor a few men in my life. 

First I want to honor my Heavenly Father, without Him I'd be nothing. I am so blessed that You reached down, picked me up and reminded me that I am Yours! Your daughter!

I also want to honor my dad, Tim, and just like my name means Father's joy I hope that when you look at who I'm trying to be, that it brings you joy, I love you! 

To my stepdad, Jim thank you for choosing to love me, my sisters and Mum the way that you do.

To my Father-in-law, Bruce thank you for helping Rob become the man he is today and thank you for holding Caden and Melody at the feet of Jesus until we can join you.

To Papa Art, thank you for coming up to a hurting 12 year old girl on valentines day, giving her a rose and asking if you could love her as a daughter. I still have that rose .

To my godfather Gordie, I will always be your Abby Abby Abby!

But most of all I want to honor and say Happy Father's Day to Rob Biggar! The days that I saw you hold our son and daughter for the first and last time until we're in heaven was one of the hardest but most beautiful things I've ever seen. You loved them so well, you love me so well and you will love our future children so well! 

I am so very thankful!

Happy Father's Day !!!

Walking with hope, Abby xx

Happenings of Today

8:42am: 

So just had my ultrasound....When you use clomid it is to help your follicles grow to a mature size...Over 20 is ideal but normally content with anything over 15. But bigger is truly better in this case.

I didn't have any dominant follicles on my right ovary (10 under 10) and on my left ovary I had 15 under 10 and just 1 measuring at 11.

So with that they are rushing my lab work before I go in for my HSG to see what is going on.
1. Is it just too early in the game
2. Do I need more medicine
3. Did I already ovulate
4. Who knows?

11:54am:

So we waited a good bit for my lab results and then went in for my HSG. 1st the actual procedure went way better than my 1st one. Very minimal pain. I'll take some meds for a week to help avoid any kind of infection. 

They did tell me that my Fallopian tubes are clear but there were 2 things the NP wants to talk to my Dr about. 

1. There is a small dip on the left side of my uterus where it should be straight 

2. Also on the right side there is something that could be nothing or possibly a cyst.

 So this leaves me with lots of questions and I'm really trying to not think that there is possibly something else wrong. My Drs are always saying it is a good thing that I am young, but then they say the bad thing is that I am so young and have so many elements going against me (we can save the details for another entry)...

It really is a good thing we can rely on the Great Physician who is bigger than all the above...because on our own we sure can't handle this...I don't know how non-believers function.

So now I am waiting for my NP to talk to my Dr.  and they will discuss the results to all of the tests today. They should call me sometime while I am work today and we will make an action plan. 

6 days until vacation.......can't tell you how excited I am for this time off with Robby & his family!

Thank you for all of the prayers today, they definitely helped calm me down through everything. 

Walking with hope, Abby xx

9:51pm:

 So it has been a busy day, going back in forth with my nurse & pharmacy. I still haven't heard anything official about my HSG and the possible abnormalities. But for now they have decided for me to start another round of clomid right away as I simply didn't respond to the previous round! I will do 5 pills a day for 5 days. Unfortunately we will be out of town by the time I am ready for the IUI. So I will take the meds and see what happens naturally. I will go back on June 13th when we get home to see if I did ovulate and go from there. So the journey continues...Thanks again for all your prayers today and after!

XX

joy ride

Sometimes you just have to get in the car and drive!

I was having a rough evening emotionally...feeling alil overwhelmed. Thankful for a hubby that after a 12 hour day made me get off my butt & drive to stone mountain with our BaileyPup at 9pm. We cruised around with music blaring and then parked for a walk by the big lawn.... No words were really exchanged but he somehow just knew where my heart was and held my hand.

Walking with HOPE, Abby xx

Here we go...

So things have progressed a little faster than expected.

 My last FB update was sharing how my HSG appointment was canceled because my labs weren't where they needed to be. So we weren't expecting to do any treatments until we got back from vacation (June 13th). Well I was told to call them after I started my cycle either way to setup a new HSG appointment. Well today I went in for labs & an ultrasound...to discover I am in a place to actually start a treatment NOW!

The treatment we will be doing is called an IUI...With an IUI because of all of my different elements I also have to take a drug called Clomid. Normally most cases take 1 to 2 pills a day for 5 days...because my body doesn't react strongly (we know this from previous rounds) I will start off with 4 pills for 7 days (this process is called a "Clomid Challenge"). 

So today I took my Clomid and will for another 6 days! It is supposed to help with my follicle growth, producing eggs ready for an IUI.

I will go in on the 29th to have my mid-cycle check up & have that wonderful HSG done :) 

May 29th is a big deal...they will see if my body reacted and if I have any follicles that matured (they will base that on its size). Then I will start a daily ovulation test at home and pray I ovulate by the 2nd! Reason is, the 3rd is the absolute last day I can do the IUI before we go on vacation. It is what it is but would rather not go through all of this if we aren't going to be able to do the main procedure. My Dr. feels like it is a good decision to go ahead and do it...so we are doing just that.

BIG PRAYER REQUESTS:

1. That my follicles have great growth over the next week...we are looking for size 15-22...higher the better!

2. That my HSG goes smoothly with no blockage

*3. That I would ovulate by June 2nd, as June 3rd would be the last possible day I could do my IUI before going on vacation on the 4th.*

4. Pray for my Robby as he loves his wife through all of the shall we say "side effects" of all the meds.

5. That over the next few weeks that we would just rest in the peace of the Lord...we are both excited to start again towards growing our family but understandably nervous and scared all the same. 

So with all of that, THANK YOU for being apart of our family...we are so blessed by your prayers, encouragement and love. I pray that you would feel God meet you right where you are, in whatever situation that may be. Just like today...you never know how He is moving...but you know He always is! Lord we are trusting you...please determine our steps!

Walking with Hope, Abby xx

Intrauterine insemination (IUI): is a fertility treatment that uses a catheter to place a number of washed sperm directly into the uterus. The goal of IUI is to increase the number of sperm that reach the fallopian tubes and subsequently increase the chance of fertilization.

Hysterosalpingogram (HSG): This is an x-ray of your uterus and fallopian tubes. A dye is injected through the cervix into the uterus and fallopian tubes. The dye enables the radiologist to see if there is blockage or some other problem.

Jeremiah 29:11

It is the last 10 minutes of Mother's Day and I am writing my 1st blog entry.  I don't want to over analyze every word or punctuation but just write what I'm thinking as plain as I can.

Today I am thinking of our son and daughter, Caden and Melody! They taught me a lot in their 4 1/2 months and that is one of the main reasons I am starting this blog. I have kept a journal since I was 9 but a journal is private and though the topics I want to write about are personal, I feel like this journey would be better expressed here.

Rob and I have been married for 7 1/2 years and for 5 of those years we have been trying to start a family. During those 5 years we have gotten pregnant twice and now have 2 angel babies. Our Caden was born into heaven on 11-7-2012 and Melody on 4-4-2014. 

Yes this blog is about infertility, miscarriages, countless treatments, wanting to be parents but really it is more about the journey. This journey is about finding HOPE through it all despite your circumstances and I think we can all relate to that.

My Mum's verse for me since I was a kid has always been Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." This has been a constant comfort to me knowing that my Abba has a plan and though I may not get it today, I can trust that it is good and full of hope! 

Walking with Hope, Abby xx